Grace and why I don't have it....

I think it is genetic....when I was growing up my mother was forever breaking her toes on the coffee table. Granted it was usually because she was running after one of us 4 girls.
Now that I am presumably 'grown' I find myself continually stubbing my toes, spraining my ankle/toes, or just plain breaking them.

If you've never done this before.....(you're either reallllly luck or lying your sweet little azz off)

The scenario probably goes something like this. The victim (let's call him Bob - it seems to be conventional) is walking happily along to his destination, the couch. Along his path, the hallway, he passes by an unnoticed object, the coffee table. With considerable force, poor Bob then swings his foot into the coffee table, banging his big toe very hard. At this point Bob panics, jumping on one foot, screaming 'Ow! S**t! Ow! Ow! O!'. Or perhaps the agony is so bad that his mouth opens but nothing comes out, the pain rattling through his head.

Now in my case the offending article was my husband's guitar amp......only in my world (and possible the worlds of other women (or mothers) married/mother to the next budding (or still hopeful) guitar god; does this kinda nonsense happen. I mean, c'mon why the guitar amp when we have a massive IKEA coffee table which is certainly more than capable of causing serious bodily harm.

Still...we come back to the fact that I am not the most graceful girl on the planet......and I am *always* barefoot. At 40 years old would it do me any good at all to take dance classes or 'pageant walking' to attempt to learn me some grace? Probably not. (grin)

I'm off to soak my very sore toes...... but here's an article I found to show you that it can *always* be a lot worse!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1131422/Father-dies-stubbing-toe-coral-Florida-theme-park.html

Southern Women....

As many of you may or may not know...I am not British...I'm American and from the Deep South.

* My momma sent me this & I loved it so thought I'd share it with those not in the know on thangs!*


Southern women know their summer weather report:

Humidity

Humidity

Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:

The beach

The rivuh

The crick

Southern women know everybody's first name:

Honey

Darlin'

Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Driving Miss Daisy

Steel Magnolias

Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:

Baptist

Methodist

Football

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl'stn

S'vanah

Foat Wuth

N'awlins

Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos

Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall

The Spa

The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails

Having bad manners

Cooking bad food


More Suthen-ism's:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them,

you "PITCH" them.

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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

_____



Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

_____



Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in:

"Going to town, be back drekly (directly)."

_____



Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

_____



All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

_____



Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.

If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

_____



Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and

"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20..

_____



Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

_____



No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

_____



A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

_____



Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!

_____



Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

_____



In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

_____



Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

_____



Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

_____



When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine

Southerner!

_____



Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

_____



And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.

You just say,"Bless her heart"... and go your own way.

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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff...bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

_____



And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I'm not from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."


Southern women know

men may
come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Notes On Healthy Living

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than British, Americans or Canadians.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than British, Americans or Canadians.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than British, Americans or Canadians.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than British, Americans or Canadians.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than British, Americans or Canadians.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink whatever you'd like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Something Wicked This Way Grows

"Flowers bloom as black as night


Removing color from your sight

Nightmarish vines block your way

Thorns reach out to catch their prey

And by the pricking of your thumbs

Realize that their poison numbs

From frightful blooms, rank odors seep

Bats and beasties fly and creep

'Cross this evil land, ill winds blow

Despite the darkness, mushrooms glow

All will rot and decompose

For something wicked this way grows..."

MockBeth (the Scottish Gardening Manual)